Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Regarding Henry

There’s no father prouder of his children than I am. I can say that without exaggeration. To me, my daughters Jenna and Barbara are my pride and joy. And like most teenagers, they’ve made their share of mistakes. But I’m hard pressed to be that upset about it since I did things during my youth that I’m not proud of either. I realize that it’s all part of growing up.

Unfortunately for Jenna, unlike myself, she’s had to make her mistakes in the public eye. But since then, she’s matured and shown great resilience in the face of public scrutiny, and on balance, she’s proven herself to be a virtuous, honorable and compassionate woman beyond reproach.

Anyhoo, you all should know by now that my Jenna’s engaged to Henry Hager. Henry worked with Karl for a while and he met Jenna during my campaign back in ’04. Laura and I kind of suspected there was something going on there for a while, but I kept the ol’ eagle eye on him. If he was going to come out and say that he was courting Jenna, I wanted to be ready.

Finally, Henry and Jenna finally admitted that they were a couple. Being leader of the free world, I decided I’d take advantage of the situation and have a little fun with my new bestest buddy Henry. I knew Laura would kill me, but this opportunity may never come again. This is every father’s fantasy scenario and I wasn’t going to let this one pass me by.

I had Henry come by the Oval Office for a little ‘chat’. As soon as he walked through the door, I had the Secret Service surround him and ask him pointed questions. You should have seen the look on his face. Priceless. After about thirty seconds, I just laughed and called them off, put my arm around his shoulder reassuringly and said, “Welcome to the family, Henry.” I swear he was ready to change into a new pair of shorts right then and there.

As expected, when Jenna and Laura found out, they were livid. I told them the agents didn’t even lay a finger on him. No guns drawn, nothing. I just wanted to put a tiny scare into him. Henry was great about it afterwards. I even apologized, but he said it wasn’t necessary. I have nothing but respect for him now. It must have been at least a couple of days before my girls cooled off after the whole affair.

It was worth it.